I have said before that I write in a journal which helps with my sanity. (A little)
I wrote this last night as I crawled into bed. I thought I would share this journal with you.
I’m tired.
I know my children don’t want to hear how tired I am constantly, and I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say my friends would get pretty tired of hearing me say how tired I am. So, when I’m asked, “How are you doing?” I say, “Oh Good”, I’m good!” But what I mean is…I’m tired.
I am not tired of taking care of Gary. I can handle the “care”. (Most of the time!) The three meals a day that I cross my fingers that he will “somewhat” enjoy. Making sure he gets a snack in the early morning and again in the late afternoon with a glass of cold lemonade to keep his energy up. Chasing him into the bathroom multiple times a day (and night) to see if he needs help “cleaning up”. Taking him on our daily walk. And distracting him when he gets “antsy”…Day after day after day after day. I can handle that.
I’m tired because I can’t talk to him. I’m tired because I am so lonely. I’m tired of him saying words and thoughts throughout the day and all through the night that don’t make any sense whatsoever! (Yesterday, he asked me if he was pregnant…I replied, “it’s not mine”!)
I’m tired of missing out. On everything! ALL of the fun stuff that makes me happy. Missing out on Whit and Laney’s cheer, soccer, and every school event. Missing out on all the games we have missed for Annie Kate and Payton because they start too late and Gary crashes by 7:00 pm. Missing out on my little ones, Merle and Daisy, because I’m just too tired to play hide and seek.
I miss my friends.
I miss my sister.
I miss my life.
I’m so tired.
There are no words Tracy. I think about you and your daily life often. The struggle is real. You are real! Gary is real!
You set the bar high for dealing with a difficult situation as well as you do.!!
Know that!
Anyone thinking they are more stressed and exhausted , this should be a good reminder.
🩵
Love you sweetie!
I am not alone. For sure!!! At this time in our lives the bumps are inevitable but I just throw a little pity party out into the universe (ie…social media) and I get enough hugs to get me through! One friend just text me that she would bring martini’s TO ME!!!!
SEE THERE…it’s always good to spill it out to the “universe”, you never know what good things will come your way!!!
Of course you are tired as you should be. My heart hurts reading this. I miss you my most fun friend ❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate the love Susan. I do feel loved, and count my blessings everyday…thanks to friends like you!
Life is soooo hard. Because you are so witty, you often make your hard life stories so amusing…but so real. Being a caregiver is the absolute hardest job you will ever undertake. Continue to be the blessing that you have truly become. And bitch about it every day…if it feels good! Huge hugs.
Tracy! Sending you love and hugs! Breaks my heart for you, for Gary, and your family.
You handle everything with such grace! But I know you must be so very tired that everything is so different now. Just know you are not alone. And you are so loved. Words seem so inadequate but just know I am praying for you and your family. I do love our chats and visits at the salon ♥️