I just got home from a walk. It was one of those mornings I knew I had to. A walk heals my mind more than anything…so I just go. I occasionally make some pretty decisive decisions when I’m walking, some good some not so much. Today I made a decision to write this with Kelley, Graham, and Neil’s approval.
I have mentioned to a few people here and there that I was going to get back to writing this year. I have missed it. But is has been difficult for me to sit down to write anything with my scrambled-up thoughts and feelings this past year or so…much less put them “out there” on paper. Negative thoughts are not something you want to typically share, so I decided to pivot, redirect my GPS and think out loud.
Gary and I have begun a journey. I have and yet haven’t had a lot of time to think about what to do with my emotions. So, I guess this place, “the blog”, is as good as any.
I hope this will feel right. I think it may help me, and I hope it will help a few people that are experiencing this path Gary, and I are on. Transparency along with the frightening unknown that lies ahead of us, (so many…way too many) should be ok.
Today, Gary went to “work”. (where Graham and Neil totally run the show). He won’t be gone long. And he is driving only to work and home, for now. He enjoys his boy’s company more than anything in the entire world. It is his “happy place”. (WAY over used phrase, but so true)
Yesterday he made two cups of coffee. I know that sounds normal, but you see…it is because he forgot he had just made one. He has a routine of showering as soon as he gets out of bed. When he does this, he opens his drawer to reach for his hairbrush and sees his medicine container with all the “Monday Tuesday Wednesday squares” filled with his daily meds prepared by me. If he doesn’t shower his routine is broken and the pills will not be taken. And when I bring them to him and tell him to take them, he tells me he already has.
This is dementia.
One night in the middle of the night I got a phone call. I was spending the night in Highlands, NC with my sister. It was Gary. He said he couldn’t find me anywhere, and he had been looking all over the house for me. He was scared. So, we went to the Dr.
The lessons I am learning and the lessons I will learn, besides patience (a skill that I have never quite taken to) is to live each day as it comes. Again, I’m a planner so I have a lot to learn.
There are so many joys in my life and Gary’s sense of humor is at the tip top. When he forgets what he wants to order at a restaurant, he looks at the waiter, he looks at me, we start laughing and the waiter just waits. Another considerable plus side is that I get to make most of the decisions around here. I kinda did anyway, but now I don’t have to ask “permission” for basically anything. I never saw this day coming.
Gary loves his friends. And boy, does he have some great ones. He loves a cold beer to go along with his great friends. He loves his dog, his cat, his birds, and me. In that order. He has always been a very happy human being. And I am happy and sad to say I want to share Gary’s story. I hope you will laugh and cry by our side.
I ain’t puttin on any ” big girl panties” on this trip! Ride or die!
Cha Cha Cha Changes…
Wow! I had no idea! Thinking of you both!
Thanks Marsha…we are still loving every minute with our kids, Grandchildren, traveling, and of course our friends. He is an easy man to keep on keeping on…not at the same pace but moving forward non the less.
Sending hugs and prayers. We have a wonderful facility called Memory Matters.
http://www.mymemorymatters.org
You are welcome to use our condo and you & Gary can see what they share to help with this journey.
Living in HHI we see so many dementia neighbors and friends. It an uncharted journey.
It takes a village and you are so fortunate to have one.
Thank you, Charlene, so much for letting me know…this makes sharing this story so worth it. I love all the people in my village. They are precious to me and Gary.
My eyes leaked reading this. God bless you all. I’ll be praying for you. Thank you for sharing your story. Kim
I’m the happiest when my eyes are leaky…It means it has touched me deeply…and I love that feeling. I hope to be inspired to “leak” a lot more.
Oh, Tracy. I am so very sorry to read this news. As Diane said, we went through this when JR had ALS and it was so hard on us. However, we were grateful that he didn’t know what was going on with him and were thankful for that. It brings back tears to think of that time. We also laughed at times. I will pray for you all as you begin this journey, one day at the time.
Tracy, I cannot tell you how sad this makes me. He’s the best. I so enjoyed that Dan and I to got to know this very special man. My life is richer for the experience. Love and prayers to you all.
We feel the same. He will NEVER forget y’all…no way! 🙂
Bless…My dear friend is going through this with her husband. He is 66!
You are a trouper, Tracy. I pray for you to feel God walking with you through this journey.
Thanks for sharing!
Love you❤️
I def feel a lot of cheerleaders by my side and God is the ring leader.
Tracy, we are so sad to hear this. Gary was so special to Dan and to me. We are blessed to call him friend. Love y’all. Prayers.
Many wonderful memories of being with you and Dan. A cabin on the river brings out a very close relationship indeed! Miss you guys!
You and Gary will have an army of warriors walking beside you! You two are so lucky to have each other and those gorgeous children of yours! Love you honey!
A lot of LUCK! And of course, you can’t take anything to serious at this point, or you will miss a good laugh for sure!
Always maintain your highly developed sense of humor. It will get you through even this! Love you both. Ange
So many funny things happen to all of us on daily basis…you just need someone to point them out. (I guess that’s why God gave us a “spouse”!)
You handle everything with such grace, and a smile on your face! Love you & love our talks! ❤️
OUR TALKS???? I didn’t know you could talk…HAHAHAHA Love you Lori…You are a master in what you do but an Olympian in listening.
I am so proud of you for sharing this, mom! I have always felt lucky to have a mom that was open, honest and transparent. It is a quality I try to have as a mom too. I know this isn’t easy, but at least Dad is the greatest guy in the world (tied with my husband and brothers). He’s also so in love with you, and that, hopefully, makes this a tad easier!
You three lucked out in the dad department. Our whole entire family lucked out with this guy we call Hooch. (or as baby Merle says…Gary)
I admire your courage, your bravery, but really most of all your honesty. It’s my favorite thing about you, Tracy Gaines. You have my prayers, and my ears if you need them. Sending a big hug.
Thanks, sweet Maggie. You…saying nice things about me… is my favorite thing about you. HAHAHA JK JK JK! 🙂
I need your hugs too! 🙂 🙂
Tracy…. Smiles, and tears. You ALWAYS know what to say, and I am so thankful you are sharing y’all’s story with us!! Lots of hugs, and love❤️❤️❤️
A lot more smiles and hey…I’m a sharer!
Oh Tracy, I’m so sorry. I hadn’t heard but I don’t hear from Gainesville friends much. I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ve known Gary, and you, from college days at West Georgia and the Pikes, and you both are happy people and that will help you get through this. You do both have many good friends to lean on and that will help too. There is a free magazine called Brain & Life that you should sign up for. I’ve got neurological problems and David has a brain tumor and there have been some good articles that have helped me and might help you. Just google it and sign up.. I think you’re brave to write about it. It may help you and others as they deal with it day to day. My mother and grandmother had it and it’s difficult some days for sure but you can do it. If I can help in any way, let me know. Cell is 770-241-3202. Give Gary my love. Leah
Thank you Leah. I don’t know who I thought was cooler than you back in the West GA, and Gainesville days. It’s hard to believe that you are a Florida girl now. Thank you for your wisdom and suggestions…all helpful! Miss you! Take care sweet friend.
Ha! Me, cool? Hope to see y’all again sometime. Do call if I can help. You’ve got a lot of people that have your back.
You, Gary and your entire family are now in our hearts.
Mary Hart, thanks so much. It’s certainly not just me going down this path. And we are so lucky to have an army of great people close by.
Tracy,
Always loved your Erma Bombeck style of writing. Keep walking and writing and know you have so many friends praying and supporting you thru this unknown journey. Thank you for sharing this on your blog. It will help others that are going down the same path! 🙏💕
I sure hope I have something to offer by sharing this story. I also think writing is great therapy. Real friends telling real stories is my everything. Thanks for being one of the best!
I’m so sad to hear about Gary. Thank goodness he has you and wonderful family to carry him through this hard journey. In my career,I dealt with this so many times and unfortunately now many friends my age are experiencing it as well. Makes one appreciate those little minutes,every single one. Take care of yourself Tracy as it is so very hard on the caregiver. I think the sweetest thing about this sadness is that you were the first he called. You are his center.
Thank you for these kind words, Gilda. I appreciate them very much.
Thinking of you as this journey begins. I know the unknown is always the hardest part. I pray you are able to enjoy each day as it comes.
Suzanne
As we all have learned with our 69/70 years of wisdom, is that we can handle a bunch of “you know what.” The hard stuff is around every corner but I wouldn’t want to take any short cuts and miss out on the good stuff! One step or stumble at a time!
I was just with Neil and Margaret last night for awhile at a local restaurant. I didn’t know this of Gary but we’ll aware of Dementia. Lost my mother from this horrible illness. Prayers and love for you and the boys. Gary will be ok. It’s you that will have to learn how to still laugh and love!
I didn’t want to crawl out of my sweatpants last night… Funny how a pair of sweatpants, a fireplace, a glass of Chardonnay can bring that joy to the top of my priority list. No lessons needed here. I will continue to look for laughter and love. You are a rock Judy!
I used to think “Life is a journey” was also way over used but it makes more sense every day and is finding its way into my thoughts and vocabulary a lot now. Debbie and I were just discussing how our lives, and some of our friend’s lives, are changing in ways we never imagined. Aren’t we way too young for all of this? I guess we just have to remind ourselves to keep our chin up and one step at a time. Wish y’all the best!
Being on a mountain top, riding a bike on a beautiful trail, or kayaking on a class three/four river is what has kept Gary young all these years…I think you can relate for sure! Stay active, and something cold to drink at the end of the day…well the cold thing is my “go too”…Stay young my friend.
I am so sorry, Tracy. I think of Gary always supporting his children in their various sporting events when our children were growing up. Prayers for both of you as you figure out a new path. Being a caretaker is tough as is being the one cared for. The past 2 years have been difficult for my husband and me dealing with health issues. We are truly living I “sickness and in health.” Friends and family I am sure are a comfort to you and Gary. What would we do without them! Some days are hard, but there is still joy in the journey. Mike’s mom had dementia in her later years. I am so sorry. Prayers lifted for you and your family. So glad he gets to enjoy the time with his boys and they are close by. Take care of yourself and take time for yourself when you can. Love and hugs to all of you!
No one gets to escape for the rough spots in the road. (or in Gary’s case the river) His score on being a great Dad is a 10+++++++!
Thank you, Helen. You have quite the remarkable family as well! Y’all are kinda born famous…:)
Best blog yet!!! I will pray with you and for you throughout this journey. Love the whole Gaines crew so much 💚
I have a clan of Gary Gaines fans and I’m super proud to call your family one of them.
Oh, Tracy. So precious of you to share. We are in the part of our journey that we Will both lament and treasure. This is the time when Love really kicks in. and how lucky we are to have it. Gary wants you and Fred wants me. Praise Jesus for that opportunity! Call me if you want to talk. We can laugh and cry together.
Lucy, you have a remarkable attitude… You always have. We can laugh, cry, AND “roll our eyes” a time or two. It’s nice to know that my (old) friends “get it”! Thanks Lucy.
Tracy,
First of all I’m glad you are back to writing— it seems it is good therapy for you. Please know we are (your friends) what I call “your blanket of love.” We are in the autumn of our lives. For some of us …winter. It’s hard to find a place where there is no sorrow. Gary will get as frustrated as you. It must be so hard to lose control of your life. He is blessed with friends, family & most of all you. Love is forever. God bless you, Olinda
Very blessed Olinda. I miss my Lakeland friends because you all always make me laugh. You are all a strong group of very strong women! You… being at the top of the list!
So proud of you for sharing your’s and Gary’s story. I hope it is a healing process for you. And, yes, I like Gary’s sense of humor, too.
A good laugh can heal the soul for sure. Thank you for the comments and let’s go have a few good laughs soon.
Tracy, dear Tracy…. Everything about you shines beauty, love, kindness, compassion, grace… (to name a few of your many attributes). Although this is a heart breaking disease, I know you’ll claim the joyful moments and continue to lead with Love! You are not alone in this journey and you are not only capable , you are way stronger than you may realize.
If you could text me my mailing address, I’d love to mail you a hardcover of my book on dementia, if you would like one. My cell is 727.266.9594.
Know that I’m sending you and your family Love, in my thoughts and prayers, Tracy💞🙏💞
I have your amazing book. How smart can one person be? You are amazing Leslie Lees! I wish we were sneaking out our house and eating popcorn in the middle of the night. Just some of my wonderful memories of growing up with you.
Hey Tracy, I thank you for sharing and think it’s such a powerful message to share amongst those out there in that territory too. My mom shared this story with me. I just know that your family has always been one that I really looked up to and marvel at the love and open mindedness of it. One Love
Casey Barnes…You are not supposed to be writing this profound message to ME and making me tear up. You are supposed to be a little boy covered in mud or clay or something from a park. I miss seeing your Mom. She’s a great one! I did see your Dad the other night and asked about you as well. You take care of you, and your sweet family, and leave the old folks me. I appreciate this, Casey.
Tracy: have been wanting to reach out to you. Thank you for sharing! YOU Are on my mind! Stay strong. Love you!
Happy birthday old lady! My old buddies are always on my mind. I love you Sandy!
Tracy, it’s incredible how strong you can be when caring for Gary as he goes through the stages of dementia. Hang in there, it’s not easy. Take time for yourself and know that you are loved.
A quote: They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel!
by,Carl Buechner
Thanks Carol. I love that quote! We are hanging in there and he seems to be a pretty happy camper! His guy friends are the best and he really enjoys being around them!(probably a lot more than me!)
Tracy,
We had no idea you and Gary are on this path ! It is a hard one! No doubt you and your family will surround him with all the love you have to give! Our prayers go with you for strength and guidance,, and may the Lord’s presence be more evident than ever for all of you! Love Linda
We are on the barely on the first leg of this trail, and I am so grateful we still get to go where we want whenever we want…We have things to do and places to go although a slightly slower pace. His buddies are the best and probably will keep him younger than me. He doesn’t even have gray hair…but like they say, “life isn’t fair”. (haha)
Thank you for reaching out because I know you know…as soooo many others.
I am so glad you are writing about this. Having been on my own journey for longer than I care to admit, trying to avoid talking about it isn’t helpful & always putting a positive spin on things is exhausting & actually dishonest. Your friends & family want to know what is happening in your life & want to help as evidenced by all the responses you have received.
I look forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks so we can share our stories, laugh, cry & have a few too many cocktails! Love to you & Gary!
Louise your honesty is like a breath of fresh air (especially at the beach:) You make angels out of seashells for crying out loud!!!Life has so many miracles, but the hard parts and the setbacks just like to show up and ruin everything. I’m chasing miracles because I’ve witnessed so many, and I don’t want to miss any of them, especially now.
I’m so sorry Tracy. Hollis and I too are starting a journey we had not planned. Life is always changing, isn’t it? I hope you can hang on to the good times and keep laughing. Y’all will be in our prayers. We’re doing a lot more of that lately. Hang in there.
When did it “get” to be our turn? I’m sure with your incredible sense of humor you are getting by. Gotta laugh! Take it slow. And lean on an old friend and glass of wine.
Tracy, I know this one was difficult to write (and to read) but you did it! …And so beautifully. Like you, it is overflowing with determination and love and humor!
A suffering friend once told me “Shared sorrows are truly easier to bear.”
I love you!
You know I have always been an “open book”…Now I’m an “open blog”…or an open blah blah blah. Either way, it’s therapy. Thanks Karen, you have always been encouraging to me…through all the twist and turns.
Tracy, thank you for sharing this news, difficult as it may be. You, Gary and your family are on our hearts and minds as you navigate this journey. Remember that we are just down the street if you need anything at all… even if it is someone to walk with and listen.
Kate and Bill
I appreciate this so much, Kate…y’all are great neighbors, and I’m glad you are close by. A good listener and a cup of sugar is always needed.:)
Wow thank you for sharing. You are ALWAYS happy and upbeat when you visit the salon. I always love to see your beautiful smile.
Thank God for laughter, it helps so much during any sad time. I am so glad you decided to write again and share something so personal. I’ll be praying for you and I mean that, not just saying it. Love you ❤️
Thank you, Jennifer, for saying I’m always happy…that is funny! (HaHaHa) We all know I’m “Louisa” from Steel Magnolias when I walk in the door! I’m happy to write again too, and I love sharing my overly dramatic self and secrets at the salon. It’s the perfect place to laugh!