Aging…Just Sunshine and Daffodils…

It’s Sunday. It’s a glorious day today, which puts an unwanted and such an unnecessary amount of pressure/guilt on me as I sit in my unmade bed wishing it was pounding sleet outside. Laziness doesn’t count as lazy if it’s pouring down rain, does it? Everyone is so ecstatic that spring has sprung and I’m out of control with anxiety about how HOT I am about to be. I’m full figured, I sweat, and I hate HOT! I love cold. I love love my oversized turtlenecks and I am married to my one-thousand-year-old ugly but oh so soft gray sweatpants that somehow know immediately the joy I feel the minute I slide them on. You most likely won’t see me in shorts this summer or ever again, and I promise you, you will not see my spongy arms in anything less than a quarter length sleeve. Yes, my friends, please go. Go enjoy the green grass, daffodils and sunshine. Put your feet in the sand. You can have your flipflops, miracle suits, and margaritas, as I yearn for crisp air, warm fires, a blanket and a bag of chips resting on my lap, and so happy to know that mosquitoes are months away.

The pros and cons of life. Right? Finally, you have aged out of pap smears, but never outgrow a colonoscopy. The Yin and Yang of growing a bit older.

Have I mentioned before that I’m crazy about Larry David (curb your enthusiasm) and the way his disgruntled mind works? Very similar to the way my brother-in-law, David thinks, and me. We are constantly annoyed with everything and everyone that play with a different set of rules than the way we play. A classic example for me would be cbp!! (compulsive backwards parkers) I “hate it” when cars make you screech to a sudden stop, so they can ease up only an inch or two, and in slow mo, squeeze backwards into a parking spot. AS IF they’re going to make for a quick get away from Publix at a second’s notice. I witnessed this yesterday…I know, millions do it, but it annoys the hell out of me, and it’s stupid. Larry and David would agree.

Sadly, I have many idiosyncrasies and none of them are aging well.

Here is a good one. What about waiting in the Dr.’s office all alone. Sitting up straight and tall (for as long as one can at 69) on what is known as a “the table” with a thin sheet of very loud wrinkled paper under your butt, reading wall posters about heart valves, or collagen injections, or the exit strategies over and over again. The minutes go on for days. Oh, the anxiety is souring into uncharted territory. As I fidget in the flimsy open in the back gown, I think…this MUST be what prison feels like, only jail clothes are better. And Holy Moly…That secret knock on the outside of the door…what the? Startles the bejesus out of me every time! Are we expected to “respond”?  Someone…please say!

Too many hangups, I know. Windchimes, the smell of ketchup, cluttered closets. The small stuff makes me sweat.

I guess I should get up now and go see what this gorgeous day has to say. First a long walk with Emmy Lou. A perfect breeze is in the air. Go to Publix (park like a normal person) and breathe in the smell of Sunday fried chicken. Then play “hide, hide, hide, hide”, under the covers of my unmade bed with Merle to clinch the day.

As much as I love spending time (in bed) being all judgy and somewhat cynical, I also very much love finding peace at the end of the day. A sunset. A glass of wine. A little girls giggle.

Springtime is in the air. Bringing with it ALL of its glory. The big bright miraculous and glorious things that spontaneously pop up around us. And a new season begins.  Suddenly it’s all worthwhile.

Mosquitoes and all.