I bought a bathing suit. I guarantee you I did not intend this tragedy to happen, bu
t there is a slight possibility I will have to wedge into one this summer in order to swim, and I’m afraid there is no alternative to this brutal situation. (for those who may witness this obscene spectacle…I profusely apologize!) The good news is that I bought the matching cover-up…(attempt to conceal embarrassing or scandalous information). One easy peasy sale for the sales clerk, but the cover-up bears the duties of our National Guard. OK, this isn’t exhilarating nor necessarily pertinent info but the experience definitely generated some PTSD for me…(symptoms may include disturbing thoughts, feelings or dreams) Seriously, no kidding. On a more positive note, there is no chance in hell that this event will ever take place again because acquiring another spanking-new bathing suit is off the radar… forever and ever …AMEN
Permits for purchasing aquatic wear should be federally regulated…privileges such as this should not be taken lightly. Drag me out by the ankles, like a United Airlines security agent, if I ever walk into a situation where the apparel has built in panty liners. I don’t trust an establishment that theorizes that a sharks tooth accessory around your neck distracts from the grotesque abundance of cellulite around your thighs? Why can’t they empathize? I’m in acute discomfort from fruitless attempts of holding in my stomach. One may ponder… which roll am I struggling to reel in? That would be…um all three!
Undoubtedly I found a purpose for inflicting this theatrical drama upon myself. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… We grow from pain and suffering, and look at me, Kelly Clarkson, I have a shot at it now. I am called to don my eggplant (a new spring color line I was told), rica-rac trimmed armholes, tummy controlled piece of spandex. My purpose or my remorse? Whatever… I hear a voice. The voice is calling me, but it is coming in the form of a sharp shrill. A small minion with a boisterous voice is crying, “Watch me, watch me! Watch this, Gracy”! I see the face of an angel… diligently holding their breath crawling through the water like a turtle scrambling towards a stone, grasping enough air to plunge themselves into my arms. Proving to me, like a magician, that they can perform miracles. And I believe. If I could only transform that twinkle of magic into my own eyes. That fearless wonder…and man, what a few hundred dollars worth of swim lessons can teach kids!
A miracle…(wonderful, surprising event) another summer!
It is amazing what we will suffer for our grandchildren! I have been putting off the dreaded trip to the store to purchase a new bathing suit. I have an anxiety attack every time I get in the car! You give me courage!
Grandchildren don’t “judge” otherwise we wouldn’t brag about them so much!
Seriously, did you get a 2 piece or a tankinini? Welcome to water, Gracy!
What are those?
Tracy, you are a hoot! I totally sympathize with your bathing suit shopping trip. Remember the cute Hawaiian bikinis we used to buy at NSB? Those days are long gone. Hope to see you this summer! Love Leslie
Walking the shore at New Smyrna Beach may be the only place on the planet that I feel skinny! I have been meaning to write about the place to be when your imperfections need inspiration!
Yes, lets go ASAP!
Awwww I bet you look like Bo Derek!!!! The time between taking off the cover up and being completely underwater, everyone’s eyes should be closed. It’s the law!
My fav is getting out of the pool, lake, or ocean when it clings to places that you can’t undo!
I feel your pain deeply my dear friend! I spent endless hours last week trying on 9000 swim suits and found one that worked. Maybe!
Hi Carol!
I was willing to take 9000 to the dressing room but the sales clerk picked out 4 for me. I took the hint!
Are you going to be at the Lake on June 14th or the 15th? Or “could” you be?
Love you!
I would rather have my fingernails ripped off,my eyes gouged out,and a root canal without novacaine all at the same time rather than go shop for a new bathing suit. Those sure are some cutie pies over there in the Low country.
And everyone feels the exact same way that has SEEN ME in my new attire!